And Thus... Forever...

[Hawkeman92]

When was it I started writing these? When was it when the story started and proceeded with no end. I've noticed with every single one I make, something is lost, something is not there that was there with the last. I have no more words to write. I have long since lost hope that I will ever be happy.

Do I still feel something? Yes I do though I am not sure what it is. Do I still feel the same pain as I once did? No. It's still painful but it is different now. I'm not sure how but things didn't used to be this cold. It feels so familiar now. I grown used it. As I sit here I let the cold envelop me and hope that I will go numb as soon as possible.

I don't even think about why I am doing this any more. It has already become routine. The more I think about these kind of things, the slower I become numb to the cold. I need not point out my my shortcomings any more. I need not speak of what makes me such a horrible person. Such things are so obvious at this point that it is laughable to even consider the information necessary.

Do I still wish for freedom? Of course I do. I will never turn my back on such a thing. I think about such a thing and how it will finally make me happy but that dream won't happen. It is far too late now for me to hold on to such hope.

I have already failed at keeping this place a secret. I have also stopped caring about doing so. I can only apologize to my past self who was able to keep such a strong will to hide this place. I'm sorry but you died. You died again and now unfortunately I am here to replace you. You became worse. You may not have thought it was possible but it happened and now you are even further beyond redemption.

This will be seen. I'm not the person that had the will to hide this any more. My will to do such a thing has gone. For the one reading this I must apologize for potentially making you unhappy. I am sorry I didn't have the strength to hide this from you.

You may think you can help me after reading this but you won't be able to. They can never help me and eventually they forget about me altogether. It is all a matter of time. It always happens. With the last bit of compassion in me I request you ignore this and go on with your life. Try to be happy in place of this one that will never be as such. Do not ruin your happiness by trying to help me.

I am as I am and that can not change. It hasn't changed and it will never change.

I will go on. Nothing will change.

And thus... It goes on... Forever...

And thus...

And... Thus...